Category Archives for "Mindset"

Discussions around how important mindset is for your health, wealth, relationships, and how you live your life. Including how we can self sabotage with a negative mindset that keeps us stuck or rpeating past mistakes.

Mindset and Personal Development


Personal development is one key element that stands out as the cornerstone of success and fulfilment. Mindset shapes our thoughts and feelings of how we perceive the world, influencing our actions, decisions, and ultimately, our outcomes. Let us look into the impact of mindset on an individual’s life. The connection between thoughts, emotions, and personal development. Discover how negative emotions can act as roadblocks to creativity. Learn the steps to achieve clarity and focus, paving the way for a more positive and successful life.

Personal Development, Thoughts and Feelings:

At the heart of personal development lies the acknowledgement that thoughts and feelings are not mere fleeting experiences but potent forces that shape our reality. Every thought sends ripples through the intricate web of our neural connections, triggering corresponding emotions and influencing our behaviour. When we cultivate a positive mindset, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities and opportunities. Conversely, a negative mindset can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, constraining our potential and limiting our achievements.

Negative Emotions as Creativity Blockers:

Creativity, a vital component of personal and professional success, is particularly sensitive to the influence of emotions. Negative emotions such as fear, doubt, and anxiety can create mental barriers, stifling our creative expression and problem-solving abilities. Understanding the dynamics of these emotions is crucial for unlocking our creative potential. By identifying and addressing the root causes of negativity, we can remove the roadblocks that hinder our creative flow. Read Scarcity vs Abundance Mindset.

The Need for Clarity and Focus:

In the chaotic hustle and bustle of daily life, achieving clarity and focus can seem like an elusive goal. Yet, these attributes are essential for navigating the tumultuous waters of personal development. Clarity provides us with a clear vision of our goals, enabling us to align our actions with our aspirations. Focus, on the other hand, allows us to channel our energy and efforts toward meaningful endeavours. We avoid the pitfalls of distraction and procrastination.

Steps to Attain Clarity and Focus:

Mindfulness Practices: Cultivating mindfulness through techniques such as meditation and deep breathing helps us gain control over our thoughts and emotions. By living in the present moment, we can reduce anxiety about the future and let go of past regrets, fostering a clear and focused mindset.

Goal Setting and Prioritization: Clearly defined goals act as beacons, guiding our actions and decisions. Setting realistic, achievable objectives allows us to break down larger aspirations into manageable steps, preventing overwhelm. Prioritizing tasks ensures that our efforts are directed toward the most impactful areas of our lives.

Positive Affirmations: Harnessing the power of positive affirmations rewires our thought patterns, replacing self-limiting beliefs with empowering statements. Affirmations reinforce a positive mindset, fostering a sense of self-confidence and resilience in the face of challenges.

Continuous Learning and Adaptability: Embracing a growth mindset involves viewing challenges as opportunities for learning and growth. By remaining open to new ideas and adapting to change, we cultivate a mindset that thrives on challenges. This leads to greater clarity and focus.

The Role of Mindset in the Path to Success:

Mindset is not just part of the journey to success; it is the very foundation of success. Our beliefs about ourselves and our capabilities shape the actions we take and the paths we choose. A fixed mindset, characterized by a belief that abilities are innate and unchangeable, can limit our potential. With a growth mindset, challenges are seen as opportunities for learning and improvement. This propels us forward on the path to success.

The need for a supportive environment for personal growth:

Emotional intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one’s emotions, as well as empathize with others. When we are tuned in to our emotions, we gain insights into our thought patterns, enabling us to make more informed decisions and respond to challenges. Personal development involves self-reflection and awareness and acknowledgement of where we are emotionally. When a person has experienced loss of any sort they can experience profound grief, these lower vibrational emotions are natural and are part of the grieving process. Making decisions while in a place of fear and uncertainty can result in “irrational decisions” that can cause harm to ourselves or others. When we build strong interpersonal connections we can create a supportive environment for personal growth that helps us to overcome fears and challenges.

The Growth Mindset

Instead of viewing challenges as insurmountable obstacles, individuals with a growth mindset see them as opportunities for learning and growth. Developing a growth mindset involves reframing challenges, celebrating efforts, and embracing the process of learning. By seeing failures are stepping stones to success, individuals with positive thoughts and a growth mindset often succeed beyond the expectations of others. These individuals often have a focus on continuous improvement in various aspects of life.

Understanding the Impact of Negative Emotions on Creativity.

Roadblocks to creativity:  Negative emotions can act as barriers, hindering the free flow of creative expression.  Fear, doubt, and anxiety create a mental blockade that stifles imagination and restrains our innovative thinking processes. 

Understanding this connection is crucial for individuals seeking to unleash their creative potential. Getting to the root causes of negative emotions provides a way to release these lower vibrational emotions. This helps us reach our untapped creativity.

Overcoming Creative Stagnation

How do we break through the negative emotions that keep us stuck in the downward spiral?  Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, affirmations and stress reduction, become powerful tools that can help us to move out of harmful emotions. When we process anger positively it helps us to become stronger in our resolve to succeed. These practices enable individuals to detach from negative thoughts and emotions, creating space for fresh ideas and helping our creativity to emerge.

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Clarity and Focus The Twin Pillars of Positive Results

Clarity: Gaining clarity of personal development we discover a clear understanding of our values, goals, and purpose. We should ask ourselves questions and take time to sit and think about the answers, journaling our thoughts is useful.
Here are a few questions we can start to think about.
What do I like about my life?
What do I dislike about my life?
What changes do I want to make?
What do I truly want to achieve?
What values underpin my decisions?

Answering these questions and using techniques such as journaling, goal-setting, and vision-boarding are invaluable tools in the pursuit of clarity. Journaling, in particular, provides a reflective space to explore thoughts and feelings. We can uncover patterns that may have otherwise remained hidden. Setting and visualizing goals through techniques like vision boards solidify the roadmap to a clearer future.

Channeling Energy through Focus:

While clarity sets the direction, focus is the engine that propels us forward. The ability to channel energy toward meaningful tasks and avoid instant gratification is a skill that underpins personal and professional success. We need to avoid distractions and procrastination. Practising monotasking – when we focus attention on one task at a time. Help us to combat multitasking, allowing for deeper engagement and higher-quality output.

The Foundations of Success: Mindset and Personal Thoughts

The pursuit of success is not an isolated destination but a continuous journey. Our mindset, thoughts and feelings influence the choices we make and impact our lifestyle and our journey to success. By actively choosing empowering thoughts, we rewrite the script of our lives, we have the power to transform our situation.

The Ripple Effect:

The impact of mindset and personal thoughts extends beyond individual transformation. It creates a ripple effect that touches the lives of those around us. Positive energy, infectious in its nature, has the power to inspire and uplift others. In fostering a culture of positivity, we contribute to a collective journey of growth and empowerment.

Leaders, in particular, play a pivotal role in shaping the mindset and thoughts of their teams. Effective communication and a commitment to continuous learning create an environment that nurtures personal development. When husband and wife have the belief in the power of a positive mindset a power couple can form. When there is no struggle to outperform each other but they align to a common purpose a power couple quickly move to success.

Personal Thoughts as Catalysts for Change:

The transformative power of personal development begins with a conscious choice to reshape our thoughts and beliefs. We should be aware of our inner dialogue and challenging negative self-talk. We can lay the groundwork for a more positive and constructive mindset. Our thoughts are not fixed. We can shape them, this allows us to change the narrative, creating our blueprint for success.

As we move through our journey for change and self-discovery, let’s recognise the power within us to shape our thoughts, emotions, and ultimately, our reality. Our mindset is the transformative power of positive thinking and intentional living.


Mindset emerges as the leading actor of our thoughts, emotions, and actions. A positive mindset, cultivated through personal development, acts as a catalyst for transformative change. As we unlock our creative potential and pave the way for success. By understanding the impact of negative emotions on our creativity, we can strive for clarity and focus. Recognizing the role of mindset in the journey to success, we can start on a path of continuous growth and fulfilment. We all have the power within us, to shape our thoughts and feelings and create a life we love. A life rich with positivity and purpose, money, abundance and success.

The Power of a Growth Mindset

And Achieving Financial Success

In the journey towards financial success, the power of a growth mindset cannot be overstated. One’s approach to challenges, setbacks, and opportunities plays a pivotal role in determining financial outcomes. However, life is seldom a straight path, and for many, it involves navigating through complex emotional landscapes, such as recovering from loss, trauma, and grief, particularly in the aftermath of emotionally abusive relationships or narcissistic abuse. These situations can significantly impede a person’s ability to build the foundation for financial success.

The Impact of Emotional Abuse on Financial Well-being

Coercive Control: A Lingering Shadow

When individuals leave emotionally abusive relationships or are discarded in narcissistic abusive relationships, the aftermath can be fraught with challenges. Elements of coercive control often persist post-separation, creating barriers to financial independence. Manipulation, gaslighting, and financial exploitation during the relationship can leave lasting scars, making it difficult for survivors to regain confidence and chart a path to financial success. See our article on Financial PTSD

The journey to financial stability is a multifaceted one, and addressing the emotional wounds inflicted during abusive relationships is a crucial step. Overcoming the psychological toll of coercive control is essential for individuals to regain control over their lives and finances.

The Role of Mindset in Financial Success

Understanding the Growth Mindset

At the core of achieving financial success lies the concept of a growth mindset. Coined by psychologist Carol S. Dweck, a growth mindset is the belief that one’s abilities and intelligence can be developed with dedication and hard work. This perspective contrasts with a fixed mindset, which assumes that abilities are innate and unchangeable.

In the context of financial success, a growth mindset empowers individuals to view challenges as opportunities for learning and growth. It fosters resilience, adaptability, and a willingness to embrace change – all essential qualities in the dynamic landscape of personal finance.

Rebuilding Confidence: Three Strategies for Financial Success

1. Cultivating Self-Compassion

Rebuilding confidence after the trauma of an emotionally abusive relationship starts with self-compassion. Many survivors carry self-blame and guilt, often internalizing the negative narratives imposed upon them. Cultivating self-compassion involves acknowledging the pain without judgment and understanding that healing is a gradual process.

Practical steps towards self-compassion include seeking therapy, connecting with support networks, and engaging in activities that promote self-care. As survivors learn to treat themselves with kindness and understanding, the foundation for rebuilding confidence is established.

2. Financial Literacy as Empowerment

Empowerment through financial literacy is a key component of the journey towards financial success. Many survivors of emotional abuse may have been kept in the dark about financial matters during their relationships. Acquiring knowledge about budgeting, investing, and managing credit is empowering and builds the confidence needed to take control of one’s financial destiny.

Various resources, including workshops, online courses, and community programs, offer accessible avenues for developing financial literacy. As individuals become more informed, they gain the tools to make sound financial decisions and plan for a secure future.

3. Setting Realistic Goals and Celebrating Progress

Setting realistic financial goals is fundamental to the path of financial success. In the aftermath of trauma, survivors may feel overwhelmed by the prospect of rebuilding their lives. Breaking down larger financial objectives into manageable, achievable goals creates a roadmap for progress.

Celebrating small victories along the way is equally important. Whether it’s paying off a credit card, establishing an emergency fund, or securing a stable income, recognizing and celebrating achievements reinforces the belief in one’s capabilities. This positive reinforcement fuels the journey towards financial success and reinforces the growth mindset.

Overcoming Challenges: A Personal Journey to Financial Success

Case Studies in Resilience

Real-life stories of individuals who have overcome the challenges of emotional abuse to achieve financial success serve as powerful inspirations. These narratives highlight the resilience, determination, and transformative power of a growth mindset.

Case Study 1: Maria’s Journey to Financial Independence

Maria, a survivor of coercive control, found herself financially entangled with her abuser. Through therapy and financial education, she gradually untangled herself from the web of manipulation. Setting small financial goals, such as creating a budget and establishing credit, allowed Maria to rebuild her financial foundation. Today, she runs a successful small business and serves as a mentor for others on a similar path.

Case Study 2: Alex’s Resilience in the Face of Narcissistic Abuse

Alex endured years of narcissistic abuse that left him emotionally and financially drained. With the support of a therapist and a financial advisor, Alex learned to confront the negative self-beliefs imposed by his abuser. Through strategic financial planning and investment, he not only recovered from financial setbacks but also built a secure future for himself. Alex’s story illustrates the transformative power of embracing a growth mindset.

The Path Forward: Fostering a Financially Empowered Future

The power of a growth mindset in achieving financial success extends beyond individual stories. It lays the groundwork for a societal shift towards greater financial empowerment, particularly for those who have experienced trauma and abuse.

Community Support and Advocacy

Communities, both online and offline, play a crucial role in supporting survivors on their journey to financial success. Peer support, mentorship programs, and advocacy initiatives contribute to creating a culture that values financial independence and resilience.

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Educational Initiatives for Empowerment

Integrating financial education into school curricula and community programs can equip individuals with the knowledge and skills needed for financial success. By demystifying financial concepts and promoting a growth mindset, these initiatives contribute to breaking the cycle of financial dependence and fostering a more financially empowered society.

Conclusion: The Transformative Power of Mindset

The road to financial success is riddled with challenges, and for survivors of emotional abuse, the journey can be particularly arduous. However, the transformative power of a growth mindset offers a beacon of hope. By cultivating self-compassion, embracing financial literacy, and setting realistic goals, individuals can overcome the lingering shadows of coercive control and narcissistic abuse.

As we champion the importance of mindset in achieving financial success, let us also advocate for a society that values resilience, empowerment, and the inherent potential within each individual. Together, we can break the chains of financial dependence and create a future where everyone has the opportunity to thrive.

How I wrote a chapter in a collaborative book.

Back in August 2020 on the very night that the ex abruptly terminated our relationship, I remember saying to him that I was going to write the book. I had no idea at that point how things would unfold. It took me eight months before I could focus on anything, I started to feel a little more positive although my situation was far from secure. I engaged a company in January 2021 and they had led me to believe that they helped in conflict resolution and mediation. So with this company supposedly helping me, I did feel that things might improve.

My First Book

Around the time that I started the outline of my book, I had been active in a group called GriefHab by Samatha Ruth on Facebook. I had made a comment in the group that I was starting out to write my first book. I was then invited by Samantha to take part in writing a chapter for a collaborative book. Thinking about my situation I didn’t want to write about that before I had completed my book. So, I chose to write about an experience I had when I was just 27 years of age.

I first met Samantha M Ruth through her Facebook group #GriefHab I know the pain of losing a partner very suddenly. I was 47 at that time he was 52 he suffered a fatal heart attack. However, when I found GriefHab it was because I had been abruptly discarded by the partner I had been with for the past 11 yrs.

Regained Some Confidence

At 59 yrs of age, you think that you have come to a time when life is about enjoying the future. I had regained some confidence after a period in which my partner had confessed to my face about seeing another woman while in the UK. The pain and deep trauma was unbearable. He didn’t confess in order to make things better, he wanted me to accept he could have a double lifestyle. The panic attacks, the sleepless nights, the thoughts spinning in my head. I had no clue how I could get through the anxiety. I had all different emotions of fear, anger, hurt and disappointment.

Throughout my life, I have studied a lot of personal development. The thoughts of being grateful thankful and forgiving were far from my mind. One morning I woke and the inner voice said to me. “You are killing yourself slowly”. So I had to do something to help myself. I went back to the personal development materials and yes, negative thoughts and emotions can lead to physical illness.

Forgiveness Statements

I found my own way through releasing anger. I didn’t journal at that time but I did write some letters to the universe. Including my letter to the other woman. Then I had some statements that I would repeat out loud every night and every morning. My own forgiveness statements. It started to work. Eventually, after 9 months my partner ended the affair with this other woman. I started to recover and regained confidence. Started to live my life again. Hopeful for the future. I created three blank journal books and put them for sale on Amazon.

During 2019 I had put the pain behind me I started enjoying yoga, I did a couple of art classes, I began to have ideas again around building an online business. I even joined a dance group with my Spanish neighbours to join in the Cartagena Carnival that would be in February 2020. Life felt good. Then obviously COVID hit the world in March. My partner made the decision not to return to the UK he didn’t want to get stuck in the UK unable to return to Spain, we spent six months together doing lots of DIY projects at our home.

Transformation Breakthrough Therapy

We spent time together talking about plans for the future and working on projects around the villa. I was transforming the land creating paths and planting cactus and succulents. The flight restrictions were lifted. My partner returned to the UK the plan was to pack a hired van with a lot of furniture and personal items. He left in July and booked his return for August. While in the UK he booked a 2 day transformation breakthrough coaching program. He wanted to improve his health and reduce his back pain. He flew out to Spain the day after the breakthrough therapy. The day after he arrived we spent the whole day talking he wanted to tell me everything about his experience. How he had had this massive transformation and how he felt so much better.

Help Me To Find The Success In Business

It was so very strange. He even talked about paying for me to have the same experience. He even talked about booking flights to return to the UK, how he would hire a car, book a hotel and be with me while I did this 2-day transformation breakthrough. I questioned him as to why I would want to do that. His reply was that he thought it would help me to find the success in business that I always wanted. I wasn’t sure. The next day was also very strange. He was acting differently towards me. It was later in the evening that I would discover why. (On reflection, maybe it was a way for him to get me back to the UK and out of the Spanish property before discarding me, who knows what goes through the thoughts of a person whose mind has been shaken up like a snow globe.)

Alarm Bells Ringing In My Head

We had entertained friends at the villa as soon as they left he said let’s have a nightcap and sit in the comfy seats on the porch. We both sat down on the porch and the first sentence started alarm bells ringing in my head.

“I’ve got something to tell you,” he said.

Flashback to 2017 and his confession to my face.

The next sentence out of his mouth was.

“I’m in love with another woman, we can remain friends if you want to remain friends, we just can’t have sex anymore.”

Self-Published May 2022

This is my story. I started to write my book in April 2021. I self-published in May 2022 using my author pen name Loren Keeling. There is a message in this book. Now, I hope that I can get this message out to all the people who need to hear it. I want to be able to educate, inform and bring about changes, yes all very big goals. I am determined that I will achieve this.

This was how I became involved in the project for “Faces Of Mental Illness” I posted in the GriefHab group about my experience of grieving and anxiety, and about my reasons for writing my book.

The Collaborative Book Project

The “Faces Of Mental Illness” book project was inspired by Claudia Fernandez-NiedzielskiSamantha Ruth and also Kate Butler as publisher. You can read my story and nineteen other stories from people who have lived experiences of mental illness. We share our stories in “Faces Of Mental Illness” in a collective effort to break stigmas, inspire hope, and change the way the world views Mental Illness.

You can read my story and nineteen other stories from people who have lived experiences of mental illness. We share our stories in “Faces Of Mental Illness” in a collective effort to break stigmas, inspire hope, and change the way the world views Mental Illness.

The forward is written by Jack Canfield.

My First YouTube Channel

Also in April 2021, I started my first YouTube Channel. I had no clue what I was doing I was modelling videos that I was watching and learning from. Then in June 2021, I invested in training to learn more about creating videos and monetizing with affiliate links. I started posting review videos on this second channel. However, it seemed that every time I took a step forward in my life to try and make better of my situation the Ex was one step behind.

He was pushing me to leave the property, setting deadlines and offering derisory sums. From March and April 2021 with the mediator as the go-between, I was offered £13,000. While the original offers were 50% of the sale value he was willing to sell the property to me for the €115,000 which was 50% of the valuation that had been done in August 2020. Then after I took things into my own hands, there was an agreement of £40,000 the mediator informed me that they had received an initial sum of £3,000 and I would receive this as soon an arrangement was made for the Ex partners MG Sports car to go into storage, I packed up all of his personal items as well.

Manipulated Again

The storage company arrived as planned and the vintage sports car was moved onto the trailer all the suitcases and his personal possessions were removed to go into storage. So I kept my side of the bargain. I had been told the £3,000 would be in my account a few days later. One week went by, and I asked about the payment, and the mediator had an excuse about being busy with court cases. Another week went by and again I received another excuse from the mediator, he thought he might have COVID. Another week went by, I am now thinking I have been manipulated again. When I call I get another excuse, there has been a death in the family. The truth was that no sum of money had been paid into the company account. He had lied to me.

I posted this video on Facebook on the 18th of June 2021. After I had discovered that the Ex-partner and the mediation company had lied and manipulated the situation.


The ex-partner offered me 50% of the value of the home we were meant to share. €115,000. 29th August 2020. Within days I was being threatened with being thrown out onto the streets. 4th September 2020. Then again September 15th 2020 I had to listen to him as he went through what he wanted and what he needed. As he lost control I became the person to blame.

The Financial Offers Kept Changing

The goalposts were moved so many times. It has been one huge roller coaster ride. April 2021 offer was £13,000 then it went to £40,000 In June 2021 he wrote his offer was £25,000. A week later it was £30,000

In July 2021 an agreement of £40,000 was reached in two payments £10,000 in 1 month then £30,000 on sale agreed. In fact, the prospective buyers were ready to pay a deposit and were going to meet the next day to sort it all out. The only thing was he moved the goalposts again. He altered the agreement to say that the £30,000 would not be paid until after I moved out of the house or vacant possession. The gender violence solicitors had been telling me all along that it should be money first then leave.

Moving The Goalposts

He emailed the agreement to me the night before the deposit was due to be paid.
The next day I tried to contact him, no answer. I was pacing the floor I had a very strange feeling like I felt nauseous. I had no communication until later in the day when he told me the buyers had dropped out. Even when I informed the ex-partner he could have his house back, he could have vacant possession, and that I had somewhere to go he refused to meet or pay any of the money or even to communicate again. You see he was in control, I had NO power, he held all the power, and I had no one on my side to negotiate for me and help me to get out of the situation with some dignity and financial security. He did not treat me with basic human decency, he showed no empathy or respect he would take no responsibility for the situation that he had created.

He Was In Control

This is what happens when one person has control of the finances in the relationship. This is what can happen when you trust someone that you love, and they betray you. They cheat on you multiple times, they lie and manipulate you. They are unpredictable, they change their minds they can go from Mr Nice Guy to Mr Nasty at the flip of a coin.

I heard nothing from him until January 2022. Out of the blue, I received an email. “Happy New Year Loraine” Oh my! as if nothing had happened. He had someone who wanted to view the house.
Would I accommodate a viewing? I did not reply immediately, I had a friend help me to draft a reply. I told him I would accommodate the viewing and he would honour his first financial proposal.

Forcing An Eviction

The next email I received was not friendly at all. He told me I was now at risk of the Guardia turning up unexpectedly and I would leave with just my personal possessions. I’m not being vindictive. I just want my house back. Strange that he would say that because when I offered him his house back in July 2021 when I had the offer of a place to rent, he refused to cooperate or communicate. When the facts were that if he paid the money he had agreed to pay then the purchasers who were willing to pay the deposit could have gone ahead with buying the house. But oh no, not him. He would rather force an eviction and put me through even more trauma.

Sequel To My First Book

I am writing the sequel to my first book, the title of the book is “Deceptions and Illusions. Embroidered with Truth” You can find my first book on Amazon and Worldwide digital platforms. “Post Separation Abuse. Betrayal and Abandonment, What Type of Man?” I will also be launching my PodCast very soon.