Imagine waking up one day to find that the future you’d planned—the security, the stability, the dreams you’d built with someone else—has vanished. For me, this wasn’t just a thought experiment; it was my reality. After 11 years of trusting my partner and the promise of a secure financial future in retirement in Spain, I found myself facing heartbreak, fear, legal battles, homelessness, and a mountain of uncertainty. But I knew from experience that I had to try to overcome the challenges that I faced. I had been an independent businesswoman before meeting my former partner in 2009. I also managed to secure my financial future when, despite the financial turmoil through the economic downturn, I secured a mortgage and became a homeowner again. So, I understand the true key to financial freedom is the right mindset.
Financial freedom isn’t just about money; it’s about how we think, believe, and act. And for women over 40, especially those navigating life-altering changes like divorce, the death of a partner, or betrayal, mindset is the foundation of rebuilding and thriving.
How to start over after a life-altering change
From my lived experience of the trauma of grief through the loss of a previous partner, I know that moving towards financial security can seem like a huge mountain to climb. At the time of my partners sudden death I was a wage earner living in my hometown of Sunderland. I was renting a three bedroom modern apartment on the edge of the city, just five minutes from the local authority where I was employed in European Funding. My future security was not threatened because I also had a business that we had started together in 2005. So although I was suffering grief form the loss of my partner in life and in business I was not about to be made homeless any time soon.
In contrast, after the sudden departure of a former partner in September 2020. I not only lost a relationship and everything I had been working towards for a safe secure future together.
I lost my sense of self my confidence was erroded, I had no idea who I was anymore. The former partner had promised a fantastic life of retirement in Spain, but what I didn’t understand was that it was all a lie from the beginning. In the days and the weeks after he had terminated our relationship, the former person turned hostile as I was threatened and intimidated, humiliated, and blamed, I was denied the safe secure financial future that he had promised. I learned that what I was experiencing was post-separation abuse.
Overcoming financial trauma as a woman
Before we can achieve financial freedom, we need to understand what’s holding us back. Here are four of the most common blocks I’ve encountered—both in my own life and in working with other women:
1. Fear and Self-Doubt
Fear is one of the most paralysing emotions. It whispers, “You’re not good enough,” or “What if you fail?” For the last few years, the fear has held me back from pursuing my dreams. After the sudden and traumatic end to a long-term relationship, I was consumed by grief and uncertainty. I doubted my ability to rebuild my life, let alone achieve financial independence.
But here’s the truth: fear doesn’t disappear on its own. We have to face it head-on.
As Susan Jeffers famously said, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.”
Only the fear I faced was not from my negative thoughts it was from an external source that I had no control over. I did try to negotiate a successful win-win outcome over 12 months from September 2020. When I started to reflect on the relationship, I began to see only the negative, abusive situation. This came as a shock to my emotional wellbeing. Yet I was still determined not to let it drag me down.
2. Lack of Financial Literacy
Many of us were never taught how to manage money or plan for the future. According to a 2022 study by the National Financial Educators Council, 63% of women feel they lack the knowledge to make informed financial decisions. And if we are more savvy as women, we often experience discrimination and bias, which sabotages our ability to create our financial security.
I know this struggle firsthand. When I started a business with my then-partner in 2005, I had no savings, a poor credit record, and no support from the banks. I was not even allowed to have a business account due to my past poor credit record. But I was determined not to let that stop me. Where there is a will there is a way, was my thinking back then. As the business was starting to bring in money I used an ordinary account to start banking the income. We had started a property management business in Student Rentals and we were banking thousands of pounds in cash because we were a business start up with no electronic methods of taking rents. In a matter of months I was asked to step into the managers office, he wanted to know where all the money was coming from. I explained about the type of business we had created and all of a sudden he changed his mind and we were allowed to open a business account. The moral here is do not let setbacks stop you on your journey to financial freedom.
3. Emotional Trauma
Betrayal, abandonment, and loss can shatter our sense of security and self-worth. After the sudden termination of my last relationship, I was left with no income, no business, and the prospect of homelessness or prison with false allegations of defamation, slander, harassment, theft, misapropriation, insults. I had trusted my partner’s promise of a secure retirement in Spain, only to be left with nothing.
The emotional toll was immense. I felt like I’d lost not just my future, but also my identity. But over time, I realized that healing was possible—and that it started with rebuilding my mindset. I found a tool online that showed the emotional enegy spiral and I recognosed where I had been in the months after the sudden discard and compared to where I was at that time. Although from day to day, while still suffering through the trauma and healing, we are never static, there are things we can do while going through our healing journey.
4. Being financially dependent on Others
Many of us, especially women, are often dependent on a spouse or partner for financial security due to our specific roles as housewives, mothers, and homebuilders. We trust our partners, family members, or employers to care for us. But as I learned the hard way, this can leave us unsuspecting victims and vulnerable.
When my partner turned hostile and reneged on his promises, I realised I had to try to take ownership of my financial future. It was a painful lesson. At first apart from trying to negotiate a settlement I started to learn new skills. How to start a YouTube channel, how to write and self-publish a book, writing articles and maintaining a blog site, how to to start a podcast, I was investing time and energy into myself while at the same time was still on a precarious financial position. But in some way it was also empowering and it helped me to rediscover myself and provide me with a way to docus on something other than the litigations and turmoil I was going through.
How to Overcome Fear and Build Financial Independence
The good news is that no matter where you are right now, you have the power to change your story. Here are four of the key mindset shifts that can help you. Even if you are still in a trauma situation and have an ex spouse or partner pursueing you with legal actions, or you are experiencing grief from sudden loss there are things you can focus on. It may take time to fully recover but with help and support know that together we are stronger.
1. From Scarcity to Abundance.
The scarcity mindset tells us there’s never enough—not enough money, not enough opportunities, not enough time. But the abundance mindset reminds us that opportunities exist, even in difficult circumstances.
When I started my business in 2005, I had every reason to believe I’d fail. But I chose to focus on what I did have: my skills, my determination, and my belief that I could create a business that would be successful.
2. From Fear to Courage
Courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s taking action despite the fear. After the trauma of betrayal and financial instability, I had to make a choice: let fear control me, or take one small step forward every day. The turning point for me was in January 2022. The email that the former person sent to me which threw me off balance another threat. As he attached the Civil Court documents for the eviction he had talked about the previous year. Warning me that the Guardia Civil could arrive unexpectedly and ask me to leave, another lie. I woke up to the situation he wanted me to be in fear.
Maya Angelou once said,
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
3. From Dependency to Ownership
Taking control of your financial decisions is one of the most empowering things you can do. It means no longer waiting for someone else to save you—it means saving yourself.
For me, I do want to appear truthful and authentic while sharing my lived experience. It has not been easy and although I have invested in learning new skills and gaining certification in Trauma informed coaching I have yet to earn any meaningful income. That is why I have Buy Me A coffee donation platform on my website. However, I know that I have made some good and bad decisions I am only human after all. But I have made a commitment to building my own security while still seeking justice. And even though I have no financial security right now I have invested in a plan for the future. The fact is that the seeds are planted but the growth has been slow and the rewards have yet to be seen. But that does not mean I’m about to give up, it makes me more determined than ever to rebuild my life back and become a successful businesswoman again.
4. From Self-Doubt to Self-Worth
Self-doubt can be crippling, but self-worth is transformative. When you believe in your ability to create a better future, you open the door to endless possibilities.
After hitting rock bottom, I made a commitment to rediscover my passions and dreams. I reminded myself daily that I was worthy of financial freedom—and so are you.
Practical steps to shift your mindset for financial security.
Ready to start your journey to financial freedom? Here are some actionable steps to help you shift your mindset:
Journaling Prompts and Daily Affirmations
- What limiting beliefs are holding me back?
- What would financial freedom look like for me?
- What limiting beliefs do I hold about money?
- What financial goals do I want to achieve in the next month?
- What is my relationship with money today?
- What habits do I have that contribute to my current financial situation?
- “I am capable of creating abundance in my life.”
- “I deserve financial security and independence.”
- “I have everything I need to be successful.”
- “I am open to receiving unexpected opportunities.”
- “I am grateful for the abundance I have and the abundance that is on its way.”
- “I attract money to me easily and effortlessly.”
Building Your Network
- Surround yourself with supportive, like-minded women look for groups in your niche or join Mindset Money Success.
- Take one small step toward your goals every day, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Financial Literacy Tips
- Start small: Track your expenses and create a budget.
- Educate yourself: Read books, listen to podcasts, or take online courses.
Starting over and raising capital for female entrepreneurs
Options include:
- VC (Venture capital)
- Angel investment.
- Crowdfunding platforms.
- Loans from financial institutions such as banks or credit unions.
- Grants and government programs.
- Women-focused funds.
- Bootstrapping (self-financing)
It depends on where you are right now, your plans and goals, and your decisions.
Your Journey Starts Here
No matter where you are right now, know that you have the power to change your story. It starts with a single decision to shift your mindset and take control of your future.
If you’re ready to take the first step toward financial freedom, I invite you to join my free Facebook group, Mindset Money Success. It’s a safe space for women over 40 to connect, share, and grow together. Let’s turn trauma into transformation—one mindset shift at a time.
Join the Free Group Now
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