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Financial Challenges.

After Divorce, Death of a Spouse, and Surviving a Narcissistic Discard.

Financial challenges after a significant relationship ending can be fraught with emotional fears, anxiety grief and in some cases significant trauma. Having experienced divorce, the sudden death of a spouse, and a post-separation experience of a narcissistic relationship, I know firsthand how overwhelming this path can be. Each situation brings unique financial hurdles that can lead to emotional and financial devastation. Rebuilding and starting over again takes time, everyone’s journey is different. No one should be shamed or blamed if they experience emotional trauma after grief and loss. We need to remember how vulnerable we are in these times of change. For many older women, the support networks might not be there anymore.

The Financial Fallout of Divorce

Divorce is not just the end of a marriage; it’s a financial upheaval. Legal fees, dividing assets, and establishing new living arrangements can drain resources quickly. The loss of a second income means a dramatic shift in lifestyle and often requires a complete financial reorganisation. For many women, this means re-entering the workforce, often after years of focusing on family. This can give rise to fear and feel unsettling. Hopefully, the divorce will be amicable and happen relatively smoothly.

However, sometimes there is conflict or one party will not come to the table to discuss things. When they want to battle through the courts, causing more emotional pain than necessary. See my book recommendation below, Divorcing A Narcissist. Dealing with the paperwork and legal processes following a significant life change can be extremely stressful​. The possibility of losing your home due to financial constraints or health issues is daunting​.

Sudden and Unexpected Death Of A Spouse

Losing a spouse suddenly is an emotional and financial shock. In addition to the grief, there’s the immediate need to handle funeral expenses, settle debts, and manage any legal matters related to the estate. If the deceased spouse was the primary breadwinner, the surviving partner might find themselves struggling to manage household finances alone. Insurance policies and pensions may provide some relief, but accessing these funds can be a complex and time-consuming process. Facing the prospect of prolonged loneliness and isolation is a common fear​. The emotional pain from losing a spouse or a partner at the end of a long-term relationship or marriage can be profound and debilitating​.

There is one very important thing to be aware of. That is couples who decide to live together need to arrange a legal contract that will cover both parties in the event of an unexpected death of a partner. There is no legal security for non-married couples. If they have not registered their living together arrangements or had wills drawn up. I was in this position in 2006 with the loss of my partner in life and business. I was fortunate to be in full-time employment at that time. Plus I had a secure, affordable rental. Plus the added assurance of a business that had been operating for 18 months and was already profitable. The worst possible scenario is to lose the main income earner. Leaving you in grief while you are also struggling to make ends meet financially.

 Emotional and Financial Abuse After Narcissistic Discard

Ending a relationship with a narcissist is uniquely challenging. Narcissists often use financial control as a means of maintaining dominance. They might have hidden assets, run up debts in your name. Or left you with nothing but the emotional and financial wreckage to clean up. The psychological trauma of such a relationship can leave you feeling powerless and uncertain about your financial future.

In this situation married or not separating from a relationship that has involved emotional and financial abuse and sometimes physical abuse can be traumatising or even dangerous.

In Control

In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder

For thirty years, Jane Monckton Smith has been fighting to change this. A former police officer and internationally renowned professor of public protection. Jane has developed her ground-breaking research into an eight-stage homicide timeline, laying out identifiable stages in which coercive relationships can escalate to violence and murder.

Divorcing A Narcissist

Divorcing a Narcissist, the Lure, the Loss and the Law is an Amazon.com number one bestseller.

It will help you recognise narcissistic behaviour. Prime you on what challenges lie ahead and provide practical insights on how to survive the process. It will also help you work with your lawyer so you can both understand the potential pitfalls that could frustrate attempts to finalise your separation.

“As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.”

Positive Steps You Can Take.

Seek Professional Advice. Find legal experts who specialise in post-separation issues, and consult with financial advisors. Make sure you understand your rights and options.

Budget and Plan. Create a realistic budget that reflects your new financial situation. Planning can help mitigate the stress of sudden financial changes.

Emotional Support. Surround yourself with supportive friends, family, or a counsellor. Emotional recovery is crucial for regaining financial independence.

Legal Protection. In cases of financial abuse, ensure you take legal steps to protect your assets and credit. This might include freezing your credit, changing bank accounts, and securing personal financial documents. In the UK economic abuse is now included in the crime of coercive controlling behaviour. For more information visit the website Surviving Economic Abuse.

Rebuild Credit. If your credit score has been damaged, take steps to rebuild it. Pay bills on time, reduce debts, and seek support if required. Consider speaking directly to any banks or credit card companies to explain your financial situation.

Community Resources. Seek out community resources and support groups for women in similar situations. They can offer advice, a friendly ear, and practical help. Know that you are not alone.

Emergency Fund. When you are feeling safe and secure you can think about investing. Start building an emergency fund to provide a financial cushion for unexpected expenses or further changes.

In conclusion
Women in non-married cohabiting relationships often face less favourable treatment under the law when these relationships end compared to their married counterparts. This is primarily due to the lack of legal recognition and protection for cohabiting couples, which can lead to significant financial and housing challenges. Legislative reform has been recommended to address these issues, but significant changes have yet to be implemented in many countries. I feel that it is important to raise awareness about the gaps in the laws in situations of cohabitation and the necessity of legal agreements to protect one’s rights. Remember everyone’s journey is different. No one should be shamed or blamed if they experience emotional trauma after grief and loss.